Well, it’s Friday, and I have finally got enough energy in my brain and body bucket to say “I’m having a good day!”. Are you sitting down?

1) Unloaded the dishwasher from 5 days ago

2) Loaded the dishwasher

3) Cleared off the counter tops (whew!!)

4) Took Christmas decorations down on Cafe World (Facebook)

5) Chatted with a lovely daughter of a Mum who is in final stages of FTD/Picks (her support page is: http://www.facebook.com/vickiwb?ref=profile#!/pages/Frontal-Lobe-Dementia/107954475086?ref=mf Frontal Lobe Dementia, please visit)

Her own courage is amazing, a strong young woman who majored in athletics and thru an injury, underwent amputation. Is heading back to university and will be trying out for wheelchair basket ball.

Now, to feed myself, take that darned shower and maybe, just maybe, try to pick up a few groceries. Or not. ;o)

xo, Vicki

I do have to say that sometimes, like a gray, dark winter’s day, it is nice to stay tucked into bed, watching neighbors scraping their windows, shoveling their driveways to get to work. ;o)

Yesterday the famous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, saw his shadow, which means we have 6 more weeks of winter. In Michigan it would be divine if this were the case! Usually our Spring dusts itself off sometime in June. In honor of the occasion I watched “Groundhog Day”, the movie, where the main character is caught in a time warp, reliving the same day over and over.

With my condition (FTD/Picks) the movie somehow seemed comforting. Decisions often cripple me, leaving me caught in my own time warp. Change is debilitating. Even positive things, like traveling 70 miles to celebrate Christmas with my family – one of my favorite times and events. When coming back home, I experienced 72 hours without sleep, getting more agitated, until finally collapsing.

Friends come to visit, and as much joy as their company brings, I am sapped of all energy and concentration for days. Cannot even turn on a computer, or get dressed.

I get my comfort from my small routine within my home.

A friend, after visiting, said it was like I had a small queue to hold things. (I can see it as a vial over my head, like in computer games, with measurements, starting with it full, and watching it drain throughout the day.) It’s really the same cup, that not only did I drain but fill to over-flowing: public speaking, traveling, training, PR, crisis management, marketing, just to name a few.

Now it feels like it’s never filled with energy, but that I run on empty. The last 2 years trying to keep pace with my former self, was impossible. How I did it at all amazes me yet.

Now it is a full day to rise, wash up (that’s a whole ‘nuther story), watch TV or use computer, and eat. Somedays that’s too much.

I wonder if others feel the same way? how they manage? or, how long before they had to give up entirely?

How will my “Groundhog Day” end? Will I find a way to break out, or will I reside with the comfort of a daily ritual, day in, day out.

Only God knows. And I hold onto his hand, as we walk this path together, leaning on family and friends…

xo, Vicki

Tomorrow I must remember to say outloud “rabbit, rabbit” a family tradition that we are sure that, said first thing, will give us good luck all month. I surely hope so…

The weekend was wonderful, good friend a’visiting and watching Joshie in the Honors Band symphony, looking handsome and proud. I like the smaller version of the Whaley family because it holds so much potential now and I think Beth & her 3 sons will make such a healthy set.

Altho exhaused, visiting, having my mouse working (whoopee), watching great movies is always perfect.

I don’t know if others with FTD have speech abnormalities, but I find if I am trying to make a point with strong emotion or conviction, my mind clears out the clutter, slows down and I “…speak  …like  …this” –  slowly, with pauses. This is new over the last few months. And of course some days I can’t stop jabbering.

The last few days were interesting as I added new words ever unspoken to my vocabulary. The only one I now remember is, upon seeing a sparkling kitchen, I said out loud, ‘this is magicifically!” or something to that effect.

Perhaps I am finally remembering toddler Nick’s language he had with his invisible friend, Acusina. Wonder if I will soon be able to see him, too.

All for this day. Remember, anytime after midnight, and first words off your lips “Rabbit, rabbit”.

xo, Vicki

I heard angels singing in the voice of Dan, when he announced Miss Zoey Grace Pitre made her debut 1/26/2010! What joy, what incredibility a birth is… My soul jumped like I think Elizabeth’s soul must have, when greeting her cousin, Mary of Nazareth, as she appeared at her door.

Birth.

I have always wondered how men can identify with their God, never having felt life within them, or the rhythmic cycle women experience. The spiritual and physical co-dependency – a dance – that occurs in that most sacred of sacred times. To be a vessel in the fullest sense of the word. “And the word was made flesh.” Regardless of how the life began, feeling the first flutter, the murmur under your heart is breathtaking. That’s when I learned to pray, to believe. It’s as though Thomas pre-dated himself to the Garden of Eden and said “no one will believe this love you have for us without a sign” and God said, “and so it will be.”

The burden and the bliss are in constant conflict from the day our children are born. But today is about Zoey Grace, a tiny miracle that is being shared around the world through – of all things – Facebook, and also through this small blog.

I was lifted up, in voice and spirit by the beauty of Zoey. Here she is, exhausted more than Momma and she has the boldness to stick her tongue out at the world.

I used to watch my babies and was sure they were still in dialogue with God, from the wisdom on their face, or the ecstasy of their smiles. I believe – as they learned our language – they lost the recollection of the angels and saints who prepared them for their journey. By the time they go to school, they no longer believe they can fly, or are invisible. Sadly.

As Catholic as I am, I believe what Sr. Paula Gonzales taught me years ago. A wise, educated metaphysicist, she brought to mind the Big Bang theory that has been substantiated by science. While it might stretch our theology to say we are re-created into new lives, she explained that there are a finite number of atoms / cells that are constantly recycled. I remember being stunned with the notion that Christ’s flaking cells became part of the earth, the rain, a tree … It still gives me pause. “That freckle you have could bear the history of Adam, Moses, Gandhi, Confucius or Jesus.” What secrets, besides her genes, does baby Zoey bring with her? Is she as wise as the greatest Buddhist monk? As gentle as the petals of a rose in the morning dew? Will trees bow to her as she passes, recognizing all of nature within her? Will the ailing dog know Zoey will carry him on, just by sleeping in her crib?

To her parents: There is a modern parable about a gentle old man who, each day as he sat in his garden, watched the progress of a lowly caterpillar. He saw it climb onto his precious leaves of grape, and yet he left it undisturbed. Soon the chrysalis was built, and hung heavy with its growing, bulging transformation. One day he noticed the shell had begun to crumble, and he watched with awe as elegant legs worked tediously to remove this cumbersome chamber it had been created in. A wing appeared – turquoise, black feathered tips, a hint of gold. Worried for its safety, he assisted in removing the cocoon. What he found was a butterfly, but its wings were fused together, and it would never fly. And he wept.

This is a beginning of a journey where you will weep many times for the love of Zoey Grace, and be impatient, and want to save her from the harsh realities that life can bring. But you must have faith that each step will make her stronger, and her need for you will decrease, but never diminish. A child, newborn or 90, is still a miracle from God. And that you were chosen for this journey is the real miracle.

May God bless you abundantly. And know you have a community of millions who will cherish Zoey with you, and keep you in our prayers.

Zoey gives us/me a faith of renewal… of promises… of hope and believing that miracles happen just because we are loved.

Blessings and love to you all,
Vicki

Welcome, Miss Zoey Grace Pitre, into the loving arms of your family and all of us who will walk with you spiritually for the rest of your life. You are precious, you are cherished and you live in the hand of God.