Yesterday the famous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, saw his shadow, which means we have 6 more weeks of winter. In Michigan it would be divine if this were the case! Usually our Spring dusts itself off sometime in June. In honor of the occasion I watched “Groundhog Day”, the movie, where the main character is caught in a time warp, reliving the same day over and over.
With my condition (FTD/Picks) the movie somehow seemed comforting. Decisions often cripple me, leaving me caught in my own time warp. Change is debilitating. Even positive things, like traveling 70 miles to celebrate Christmas with my family – one of my favorite times and events. When coming back home, I experienced 72 hours without sleep, getting more agitated, until finally collapsing.
Friends come to visit, and as much joy as their company brings, I am sapped of all energy and concentration for days. Cannot even turn on a computer, or get dressed.
I get my comfort from my small routine within my home.
A friend, after visiting, said it was like I had a small queue to hold things. (I can see it as a vial over my head, like in computer games, with measurements, starting with it full, and watching it drain throughout the day.) It’s really the same cup, that not only did I drain but fill to over-flowing: public speaking, traveling, training, PR, crisis management, marketing, just to name a few.
Now it feels like it’s never filled with energy, but that I run on empty. The last 2 years trying to keep pace with my former self, was impossible. How I did it at all amazes me yet.
Now it is a full day to rise, wash up (that’s a whole ‘nuther story), watch TV or use computer, and eat. Somedays that’s too much.
I wonder if others feel the same way? how they manage? or, how long before they had to give up entirely?
How will my “Groundhog Day” end? Will I find a way to break out, or will I reside with the comfort of a daily ritual, day in, day out.
Only God knows. And I hold onto his hand, as we walk this path together, leaning on family and friends…