I’ve many posts I need to send to the blog, but if I wait too much longer, it will be Christmas. Well, heck. It’ll be Christmas with or without my permission.
It’s hard to make a list of all the things I am grateful for, and the people I cannot live without. You know who you are … I hope.
I should be grateful first to God, that I am still alive and doing reasonably well, despite myself.
And that lends to the gratitude I have for my family and extended family, without whom I could not function. Their names are Beth, Andrea, Nick; Gregg & Jess; Paigie V, Zachary, Josh, Chloe and Sam.
My muses (you know who you are) remind me to “Just keep swimming”, as Dory would say. (Nemo is the movie.)
To my neighbors, Rick & Jeannie, who just seem to know when to show up. Who do thousands of dollars worth of work, but won’t take a penny.
My Facebook friends, who are equally addicted (or pretend to be) to the games I keep trying to play. And they are getting harder to do.
My FTD comrades, who just accept me – good days or bad – because I am in a new family now, fighting to survive and save others from this terminal disease.
To Faith Magazine: Patrick, Frs. Charlie and Dwight, Elizabeth, Michael and team. Best place I ever got fired from, who still stand beside me.
I am grateful that I can still recognize the faces of those I love, even though most of our conversation these days relies on some sort of sign language and charades.
And those of wicked humor? I adore you.
And although my worst fears are coming true, many of my fears are abated by the blessings of it going at a snail’s pace, for now, just like I do.
Papa, hope you caught that. And no, I haven’t forgotten you. No blame to you but the fact that you are still beside me, gives me hope.
Love, Vicki
PS Papa, can you keep my family and friends nurturing me and making me a laugh awhile more? Then it truly is a thanksgiving.
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Vicki, you look radiant wearing your tiara! Royalty indeed.
Your expressions of gratitude show how much people are entwined into your life – and really shows that the people who come into our lives are key to our very lives here on earth. Just as so many people have affected your life, many of them deeply, so too have you had wonderful affects on our lives. You bring Papa’s love to life!
We are so grateful to you.
Happy Thanksgiving Vicki!
Thankyou for you!
You continue blessing all of us with your sense of humor, your realistic perspective and your amazing faith.
Thanks for being my game playing, gift swapping, facebook friend!
As you know, FTD took my Daddy on Jan. 5th, 2010 and delivered him to Our Father, but it really took my Daddy in June of 2009 when he no longer knew who I was. I have learned so much from your blog, from your perspective, and you give me some peace. My dad never knew what he had as by the time the diagnosis came, he never even remembered having the PET scan done two days before. I often wonder how he felt as this progressed or what he thought about.
It’s funny, sort of, me… turning to you for peace when you’re turning all around and up for peace…. just know as you continue on your journey, you are always in my prayers and my heart.
God Bless You!
Michelle
Dearest Michelle, I vaguely remember you father’s passing, but this year I will note he and you in my calendar. My birthday, my son’s, my mom’s passing are all interwined with that month. There is no softening the pain you are already will be feeling. A pain no one can touch, but our God. But how miraculous he took his time. So that that he could be with you one more time, to see you smile, tears, you dabbing his face, washing him, trying not to show him how he was, but what he is to you. You are an angel, Michelle.
You have a very short time with him, didn’t you? I wish I could sit with you and ask what it was like, what were the signs, and when – in your heart – you knew he would not be coming back as you last saw him? For me, the bearer of this disease, we are believing I brought it from my father, since I have all the symptoms, which breaks my heart about all the “buck up, Dad!” talks, why can’t you get to the bathroom? Why do you sleep all the time? What on God’s Green Earth can I feed you that you won’t throw at me or Nick, or call it putrid??
I just didn’t understand. I thought any person, with the diagnosis of dying could 1. Stop smoking 2. stop eadting sweets that put you into the hospital 3) eat the homemade meals by a confused daughter, san a mother. A daughter who had just buried her mother from lung and brain cancer. Who had to take a precious grandma to a strange nursing home, where the rest of her family had abandoned her; and my experiece – in my 60’s – is that we can never give ourself forgiveness in proportion to the guilt we take on, that is not all ours. Society, medicine, non-believers will always shake their heads, thinking you could have done more.
I can’t agree. If your loved one dies and knows even a pinch of what you felt, then you are their angel. I believe they know my impatience, exhaustion was born upon shoulder ans souls that were counting the days they had left, or maybe – just this once – there would be a miracle. Just this once. Your child, parent, sibling, spouse – you would have given up your very own life to see them healed, and come back to the person you all knew.
My prayer for you is forgiveness for yourself, the family ‘who just didn’t have the time”, the face of your loved one whose eyes grew dark and the sparkle died down. And dip into the peace that your father so tried to express back to you.
Love, Vicki
to reach me directly, Vickib202@gmail.com. Any time, any reason. It might take me a bit to find your post, but Webmaster jim will make sure I see you.
Many prayers through the holidays!! When Mom died she took over the North star. I believe many others have as well. So that’s a good directionn to begin.