50 or 12 things about aging, with just a hint of FTD

I posted # 20 as my Face Book status and got my children in an uproar, I promise not to do that again. But here, if #20 were real, I would post it, so when you have an accident, you’ll know you weren’t the first, nor will you be the last, ok?

After years of dieting, thinking about exercising and Richard Simmons you’d think life would end better than this. I’m hoping to find something slinky to wear, like Jobba the Hut.You know you are a senior citizen when ……

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run–anywhere.

04. People call at 8 pm and ask, did I wake you?

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac .

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.

20. You have a note by your pill box to never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. <-- there's the truth!!

21. You remember where you put the car keys, but not why you wanted them in the first place.

22. You have your grandchildren test bite the steak. If their teeth stay in, it’s safe to eat.

26. Homemade only refers to your conception, not remotely related to cooking.

26. You find yourself misnumbering lists.

26. You shed unused vocabulary and for that matter how to print.

29. You still have vanity, only it’s a table with mirror.

B. You love making lists of everything.. I think I already listed that.

C. The daily lotto is what you pull and eat out of your fridge.

44. You answer the door with your corset on the outside and bananas in your hair and no one notices.

45. When you flash a little leg, little children want to know where you got your kewl socks.

50. When you buy a new ‘all occasion outfit’ you make sure to pin on it “for funeral”.

50. You read “b o w l s” and you say bowels.

What really makes me feel old is trying to find the organization “Gray Panthers” only to find out they have already died.

Laughter is what gets me thru the day, laughing at myself lifts the burden of the embaressment. Unfortunately, this is all done at the expense of family.

NOTE: children and grandchildren *were* harmed in the typing of this article. ;o)

Papa, you still there? It’s me. Vicki

PS Add your own in the comments …

Parents driving, especially the privileged few with dementia, seem to scare others. But I'm ok with it. I just drive until the spool of rope runs out and turn around.

Ok, so I have Fuch's and Pick's so that would be and ain't that the truth!! You can breathe now children.

Have some more you’d like to add? Please do so, thru the comments.

I had one response: “The last time I felt fire in my loins was when my cordoroys caught fire while walking the dog.”

Love to you all, and prayers. Vicki

And maybe somehow, if we make fun of our FTD moments, they won’t be so bad…?