you can’t make him eat,” my mother would say. Which is true on many levels if you chew on it long enough. Beverly wisdom to live & die for.
With this disease I’m having lots of problems with that darned horse. I either can’t find it, or if I find it I don’t remember why I needed the horse. And I recall mom’s sage advice. No matter what it was I needed the horse for I need to just chill out … maybe the horse will come back. If I had a horse, I mean.
Right now my problem area consists of two things:
- Short term memory is driving me crazy, errrr …crazier
- People I love as friends or my family are dying before I do
Dealing with #2
2) I’ve already had fair warning that I’m going to die – most likely – from FTD and its side affects. But these good people were finally getting to the “life is good” phases of their life. My beautiful cousin-in-law was beating the sudden diagnosis of ALS (Lou Gherig’s disease), fighting so strongly, and suddenly everything went wrong. She passed in March; another cousin, Robin, died suddenly, 2 weeks later. He wasn’t even sick. My cousin, Terry, lost the people he drew strength & support from.
Others include a wonderful friend, who missed by minutes dying from the “Widow Maker” heart attack. Recovering from stint/shunt?? slowly. She brings meals and new friends to my heart. Is a comfort to many in this town.
One of my snow angels from next door is needing a quadruple by-pass, on a heart that is producing 25% of what his body needs, kidneys failing, lung & heart filling up with fluid. We had talked about 2 hrs before he drove himself to the doctors. No clue he was 99/100% close to dying, even while just walking. That’s some kind of SA.
A wonderful family that owned “Back in the Day” Cafe – a life’s dream for them all – found out he had stage 4 brain and bone cancer. Within days they had numbered his days to 30. The restaurant empty now.
And here I am. Just sitting on the couch fighting with my horse. He doesn’t seem to be where I thought I left him. (just kidding!)
All my life I’ve been told ‘only the good die young’ so maybe that’s the reason I’m still around, eh? Papa. My friends get a great kick out of that. Lord, help me find what you are waiting for me to do. And don’t let me get too far away from you. Dying as you would want me to. But, we still have a lotta talkin’ to do. Yup. A lot of talking.
Saddling up Buttermilk, donning my Annie Oakley outfit, we ride into the sunset – and will finish about the horse stories soon.
P.S. Please remember my family & friends in prayer. We cannot lose hope… not in our leaders, our beliefs, our religion and most of all those we are called to love.