Hot hot hot

Hot. Steamy, wet hot. Walking through wet wool hot. Hair plastered to head and neck hot. Can’t breathe, can’t sleep hot. No matter how you turn your pillow no cool hot. Tossing and turning, getting up I lay at the foot of the bed, closest to the window waiting to catch a wimpy breeze. No screen, in no time a banquet has been called in my honor, after the ‘taster’ mosquito finds me juicy. Shut window hot.

Dozing I drift back and forth in time. To summers as a child, where my mom would sneak in, just as I’d fallen asleep, pulling the covers up to my chin, brushing the wet tendrils off my face. And place a kiss on my forehead. She’d repeat this about 20 more times in the night until we both woke exhausted. Being 90 lbs. she was never warm enough, but my father and I were always hopeful of a cool breeze from anywhere. Good thoughts.

I awake, startled, confused to where I am. Nothing is familiar, but someone had to keep covering me up, for I was swathed to my neck. I call for Mom, no answer. But this ball of fur comes charging at my face with a wet tongue for kisses, and I realize I am in my bed with a puppy named Beanni, who like Mom, is always cold, and nicely pulled all the covers back up, so he could burrow under them. He has a number of unusual talents, but still refuses to get housebroken.

But, to wake up afraid or confused in the middle of the night, waking up from long, sticky dreams that hang on for what seems forever, sweating next to this 5 lbs. of heat and love, I am grateful. Grateful for not being alone. Grateful that heaven has a thermostat, so when I finally meet my mother, she can bundle me up to her heart’s content.

Papa, are you there? It’s me, Vicki …and Beanni

A much younger Beanni.


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  1. I really wish there was some way I could send some of our cool weather down to you! Today it is 55F – sweater weather! And given that it is noon, it probably won’t get much warmer!
    But I do appreciate the cool weather at night and really feel for you in the heat. Plus the mosquitoes and black flies must have headed down your way – not that I would wish those on anybody!!!

    Love and prayers,

    1. Well last week we had frost warnings – bad for farmers but great for them pesky mosquitoes. Then we had 92f, bounced back to 40, and so it goes. I remember – for the most part – there really was a Spring, gently leading to Summer, where for the most part the evenings were cool.

      Maybe we should swap houses now and then? ;o)

  2. Hi Vicki,
    I know what you mean about the bundle of love our 4 legged loved ones bring into our hearts. Mine is “Bernie” and she loves me no matter what.

    I think about you often and keep you in my prayers….

    1. ;o) I never realized what joy they are. Now ask me about the paper-training, lol

    • Jim Coyle on June 4, 2011 at 1:15 pm
    • Reply

    It seems like we’ve gone right from winter into summer in our areas this year. Your summer memories bring back memories of my own of hot, summer nights, Michigan’s finest screen-defying mosquitoes – but lots of other warm (in the heart) memories. And I seem to have a lot more memories of summer than of winter. I prefer cooler weather, but have the best memories from summertimes past. Thank you for opening the door.

    And that 5 pounds of energy Beanni is sure lucky to have you around to love ;o)

    1. Shut the door fast!! You are letting in mosquitoes!!! lol Long summers not like today. Time to flop on your back for hours and watch clouds. Where did it all go? xo

    • Susan Grant on June 11, 2011 at 10:31 pm
    • Reply

    Yes, the weather affects us, as do all the emotions with Cindy nlosing her father, and me losing my Cricket. She was such a good pal. We have been trying to get ahold of GE to see at Mayo, so do not have a time yet.

    I was just sent a letter that the Uni of Kentucky is running, and thought you might give them a call to see if you would fit their study. Seems your dystonia might be a factor. They pay for the trip, but you must get in it before the 30th of this month. Look up IBMFD. I would really like to call you and your answering machine is full. I hope things are better for you. We do love you and would love to help. Call me and I will call you back- 719-488-5528.

    1. Susan, did I read that right? Cricket passed away? I know you always said “God, take me before you take Cricket”. I CANNOT even begin to feel the sadness, anger, and fear that must pose for you. I love you so much, and Cindy!! I avoid the computer a lot, and email – yeeech. Wish I could be there to comfort you both.

      Never had such wonder spiritual sisters… We need to celebrate our compromised lives even as we face the reality of who we are becoming.

      Daughter Beth is scheduling Mayo Clinic for me, I believe sometime during the end of July. Will keep you posted. Said she’d feel so much better if Cindy were there while we contaminate ourselves with isotodes. (or is it I sotoners???)

      All kinds of love coming your way. Glad I finally moseyed into VickisVoice.

      Love & prayers, Vicki

    2. My puppy, Beanni Frizzlebottom, has sucessfully cut off most outside communication by chewing thru the lines. ;o) Got a charger for cell phone & that is most reliable. I haven’t cleared the voice mails yet. sigh.

      Jim stopped by, and I now have a new phone to install – so soon the home phone number should have at least a voice mail.

      Are you getting frightened or anxious about calls, messages, email, etc? It’s hard getting back in the saddle.

      Love, hugs & prayers to you both. We must plan to meet again.

    • Lisa on June 13, 2011 at 3:40 pm
    • Reply

    Vicky, hope you are feeling better now?

    I live on the other side of the world, I don’t remember how I came across your site. Your experiences are a great comfort to me, I can better understand what my sister is going though. You must be a strong woman, sharing your thoughts. Thank you, Vicky.

    1. Lisa, I’d like to learn more about what is happening in your life. I didn’t want to bore people with “alas, my brain is shrinking and I shall die soon.” But I haven’t found many books or articles to tell what I might expect. I rely tremendously on but at this point in my life, I seem to avoid any kind of social interaction, distracting my smaller brain to do something else. And then I remember those who have reached out to me, and I pray like crazy to find the ability to write while I can, and play some silly FaceBook games – which somedays I could throw across the room. Especially when I could play a game one day and the next have to learn it all over again.

      Would love your input and thank you for finding the time to contact me.

      Blessings & love, Vicki

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