Today was the first time that my conversation on the phone shifted from normal to s l o w and gutteral. The sunshine on the new snow shifted to darkness in one fell swoop. I scared both myself and the Credit Union lady … one sure way, I guess, to have creditors stop calling.
But it wasn’t funny. It was frightening. My friends have seen it happen, like my brain has endured a mudslide. And then a few normal words slide through, and then it’s covered again. I think I must sound like someone who has had a stroke.
I know one of the harsh symptoms of this affliction will be lose all ability to communicate. I think that’s everyone’s worst fear, like an Edgar Allen Poe story. “I’m still here!!” Like the Telltale Heart I will be walled up in my mind.
They now are happening a bit more frequently. But like all my symptoms, they ebb and flow. Attack and fall back.
At night, at final Papa goodnites, I wonder – and have yet to discover – if I will still be Vicki in the morning. Even I am starting to find I am entertaining thoughts of assisted care. They told me I would know when that time was. I think they ar right…
Always and forever Vicki – your family and friends will still love you, talk to you, sing to you, hold your hand ……… and you will have your ways of letting them know how you feel………