Today was the first time that my conversation on the phone shifted from normal to s l o w and gutteral. The sunshine on the new snow shifted to darkness in one fell swoop. I scared both myself and the Credit Union lady … one sure way, I guess, to have creditors stop calling.
But it wasn’t funny. It was frightening. My friends have seen it happen, like my brain has endured a mudslide. And then a few normal words slide through, and then it’s covered again. I think I must sound like someone who has had a stroke.
I know one of the harsh symptoms of this affliction will be lose all ability to communicate. I think that’s everyone’s worst fear, like an Edgar Allen Poe story. “I’m still here!!” Like the Telltale Heart I will be walled up in my mind.
They now are happening a bit more frequently. But like all my symptoms, they ebb and flow. Attack and fall back.
At night, at final Papa goodnites, I wonder – and have yet to discover – if I will still be Vicki in the morning. Even I am starting to find I am entertaining thoughts of assisted care. They told me I would know when that time was. I think they ar right…